James Bond Drinks Too Much?

http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/12/health/james-bond-alcohol/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

You can find the full article at the link above provided by CNN. Personally I will take the hot chick. Did I mention I had lunch with a Bond girl?

By the way, Bond also kills too much and taps too much booty, but he is still alive and kicking. That is what makes him cool.

(CNN) — Alcohol. Bond’s alcohol.

The British spy James Bond may routinely get himself out of dangerous situations with skill and charm, but his body may be suffering all the while because of his drinking habits. British researchers predict he could die from alcohol-related causes, such as liver damage, by age 56.

Scientists wanted to examine just how much alcohol the famous fictional secret agent consumes, and what effect that could have on his health. They published a study, led by Graham Johnson of the emergency department of Royal Derby Hospital, in the British Medical Journal’s Christmas edition, which features a variety of offbeat research papers.

Researchers found Bond’s weekly alcohol consumption totaled 92 units a week, which is more than four times what doctors recommend. A real person would not be able to carry out such complicated tasks and function as well as Bond does while maintaining such habits, they conclude.

A unit of alcohol is defined as 10 milliliters or 8 grams of pure ethanol in the United Kingdom. For some perspective on that, a bottle of wine is nine units, and a pint of beer is three, according to this study.

The finding of 92 units a week could actually be the low end of the truth, as studies have shown that “people generally underestimate their alcohol consumption by about 30%,” the study said, noting other research has demonstrated that health surveys don’t account for about half of all alcohol sold.

In other words, Bond may be drinking much more than the large quantities portrayed in the books.

“We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment,” the study authors wrote, as well as “a reduction in alcohol to safe levels.”

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Two study authors analyzed all 14 original James Bond books by Ian Fleming, focusing on the number of days on which alcohol-related events were described. But each of them only read half the books, representing a shortcoming of the study, which was conducted in “the study authors’ homes, in a comfy chair.”

They found that in “From Russia with Love,” on the third day of the story, Bond drank about 50 units of alcohol — the highest daily consumption in the collection of stories.

Photos: Decades of James Bond Photos: Decades of James Bond

It also appears that the spy’s alcohol intake dropped around the middle of his career, but then picked back up gradually toward the end.

“This consistent but variable lifetime drinking pattern has been reported in patients with alcoholic liver disease,” study authors wrote.

Note that researchers did not analyze the Bond films, only the books, so the precise level of alcoholism that Bond portrays on the big screen is an open question.

James Bond 50th anniversary coverage

About 2.5 million deaths worldwide are attributable to alcohol use, the study said. The cause of alcohol-related death is most often injury, liver cirrhosis, poisoning and malignancy.

A real person who drank as much as Bond, more than 60 grams of alcohol per day, would be in the highest risk group for malignancies, depression, hypertension and cirrhosis and could also suffer sexual dysfunction.

Early death would be likely for the spy as a result of such rampant alcohol consumption, researchers said.

Fleming, the author who created the Bond character, and frequently drank and smoked tobacco, died at age 56 of heart disease. “We suspect that Bond’s life expectancy would be similar,” the researchers wrote.

Alcoholism may even be responsible for Bond’s famous catchphrase “vodka martini — shaken, not stirred.” This may have health-related implications, too.

Study authors posit that if Bond’s alcohol consumption in the books is so chronic and excessive, he may be suffering from an alcohol-induced tremor. Chronic exposure to alcohol can damage a part of the brain called the cerebellum, which can lead to a tremor.

This suggests — and of course, this is only speculation — that perhaps Bond can’t actually stir his drinks.

James Bond submarine car sells for $920,000

Is Bond the man with the golden liver?

“In Casino Royale he drinks over 39 units before engaging in a high-speed car chase, losing control, and spending 14 days in hospital,” study authors wrote. “We hope that this was a salutatory lesson.”

And yet, Bond kept drinking in subsequent novels.

There’s plenty of opportunity for another installment: “From Rehab With Love.”

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

The Dude Hug (audio book version)

This is the audiobook version of the dude hug from the book called Letters From Your Nightly Nelson.

This chapter is under Section 4 called Social Etiquette. In this chapter you a dude is given a proper way to hug another dude.

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Game of Clones (sexual content…. not really; but I can hope.)

By Mark Sanders from www.threebone.com

Am I the only person that believes that Human Cloning exists?  Let’s take the Sadler’s Furniture Lady, just for starters.  She has been in Alaskan television furniture advertisements since black and white T.V..  I saw here in a television ad about 40 years ago, and again this Summer.  She still looks great.  How is that possible?    Even Norman Rockwell painted her in 1943.   She’s timeless, not a quitter, and should run for Governor; so Americans can finally forget the embarrassment of that other woman.

It looks like JFK has not aged a bit either; and that must be the reason why he is on so many magazine covers this week.   Maybe the media is just beating a dead horse, instead of writing about important conspiratorial issues of the day.  Or, perhaps his clone exists, and not in hiding underground, as “They” don’t seem to be producing any ugly people.

I think I just saw Elvis!

I may have just uncovered truth in the H.A.A.R.P. conspiracy, and now think that it is a government cloning facility in Gakona, Alaska. (If Anne Frank ever adds pages to her diary, then the government game is truly exposed.) I thought Dr. Evil’s fembots were impressive; but this place must look like the Playboy Mansion inside.  I was there 10 years ago; but they didn’t invite me in. It must have been for my safety.

by Sad Learner

“Big Bother is Watching You.”  –  R. Machismo

The Furniture Lady

The Furniture Lady

Even Norman Rockwell painted her

Even Norman Rockwell painted her

Alaska HAARP

Alaska HAARP

Mark Sanders from www.threebone.com

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

This is the new site

 

Get Your Joke Off has moved to a static domain!

Please list all content here.

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Comedian Michael Jr.

I really like to listen to this guy and and a joke he delivered brought back childhood memories. When we were kids we used to have “cut up” battles. These were the “You are so ugly” or the “You are so fat”…etc.

In Michael Jr.’s standup he talks about a cut up battle with his friend Patrick. He called it “bangin”. Anyway he said to Patrick, “Your so black that when you ride a motorcycle the police pull you over for tinted windows.”

https://www.facebook.com/MichaelJrComedy

It brought back old times.

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Joke of the Day 12-06-2013

Yo momma’s so cross-eyed, she went to a movie and thought it was a double feature.

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Microsoft inventing a “smart bra”

D Plus

D Plus

I am all for health, but I was hoping it would make bigger BOOBs!

http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/04/tech/innovation/microsoft-smart-bra/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Block quote from CNN:

(CNN) — It’s no longer enough to have smartphones, smartwatches, smart TVs and smart cars. Now a tech company wants to bring artificial intelligence to lingerie.

Researchers at Microsoft are developing a “smart bra” embedded with physiological sensors that would monitor a woman’s heart activity to track her emotional moods and combat overeating. The sensors would signal the wearer’s smartphone, which would flash a warning message to help her step away from the fridge and make better diet decisions.

So — why a bra, exactly?

“First, we needed a form factor that would be comfortable when worn for long durations,” said scientists in a research paper published online. “The bra form factor was ideal because it allowed us to collect (electrocardiogram data) near the heart.”

Research has shown that many people reach for calorie-rich foods like doughnuts when they’re feeling stressed, bored, discouraged or on edge. There’s a reason it’s called comfort food.

For the research paper, scientists from Microsoft, the University of Rochester and the University of Southampton in the UK interviewed women who said that interventions — being alerted to their emotional states — helped them identify triggers for binge eating.

Bionic fashion: Wearable tech will turn man into machine by 2015

The researchers then conducted a study in which four women wore the sensors in their bras for four days to monitor their vital signs. An electrocardiogram (EKG) sensor under the arm measured their heart rate, while an electrodermal activity (EDA) sensor tracked their perspiration.

More research is needed before a smart brassiere — Microsoft’s Secret, anyone? — ever becomes a viable product. The sensors needed to be recharged every three to four hours, which limited how long the bra could be worn.

But the researchers determined the bra was mostly effective in detecting its wearer’s emotional changes and, potentially, helping her eat less.

And in the future, men may not be left out.

“We will continue to explore how to build a robust, real-world system that stands up to everyday challenges with regards to battery life, comfortability, and being suitable for both men and women,” the researchers said.

Reaction to the bra on Twitter ranged from amusement to annoyance.

“Anyone else offended that Microsoft is devoting its tech research to a bra designed to prevent women from overeating?” tweeted a Seattle woman whose Twitter handle is @cunningminx.

Added Rachel Happe of Boston, “If nothing else convinces you we need more women in tech, this should. No, I don’t want someone hacking my bra…”

The wave of wearable computers.

End Block Quote from CNN

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Birth Cow

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

Decaffeinated!

Told by a six year old.

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Thank God It’s Friday!  Not the 1978 Disco Movie title.

I find it offensive that the term “Black Friday” isn’t at the forefront of Civil Rights Leaders’
Agenda during the month of November; and, Pilgrim, the real meaning of Thanksgiving,
according to your nearest Indian/Native American/Indigenous person, is:  White Thursday.
Just saying “brown bag” will get you fired in Seattle; yet Black Friday is propagated in
Santa’s Media Sleigh like it is the Second Coming, while Mother Palin claims that there
is a War on Christmas.

I call that a Race War, along with a race to the nearest corporate retailer, with competition
starting up to a week earlier now! At this rate, I will be able to buy Valentine’s Day candy in
November, not to mention Sarah’s book.  Isn’t that war profiteering?

Go Bless America! (Is that like crossing out Christ in “Merry Xmas”?)

“Jesus Saves…for Black Friday sales.”  -  R. Machismo

Mark Sanders (www.threebone.com)

thank God its friday dvd movie cover

thank God its Friday

You can find other stories and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

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Crotch Sniffing Dogs

This is a letter from Your Nightly Nelson to our beloved dog owners:

First of all, let me state for the record that I love all of God’s creatures, including dogs.
But I ask you to please keep your dog out of my crotch.

One day I was out walking, and in the distance I saw a woman with a very large dog.
As we closed in on each other she gave me a friendly hello. Moments later her dog
lunged toward me and went for my crotch. I knew that if I moved too fast the dog
might perceive me as an aggressive person.

Naturally, I tried to protect the family jewels. So I turned from side to side putting
my butt in the face of her dog. It would be a lot easier to walk around with my dignity
and half a butt rather than losing the family jewels. I very politely asked her to please
refrain her dog. She said it was his way of getting to know me.

I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!

I had nothing in common with that dog. Did I invite him over to get to know me?

NO.

Would I want to get to know a stranger’s dog?

Not necessarily.

Then again, why would anyone impose their right (via a dog) on to another person,
especially in the area (the male crotch) where life matters most?

I respect everyone. When you come over to my house to see my new coffee table I don’t
put it into your crotch! If I have a bottle of wine that I want to share with you, I don’t
shove it into your crotch! I don’t drive my new car over to your house to show it to you by
driving it into your crotch!

So keep your dog out of my crotch.

Let me state a corollary: all animals bite! They have teeth. If they bite their food, then they bite.

Your dog could bite my crotch.

So in closing, please keep your dog away from my crotch. I’d rather lose half of my butt than
any of my manhood. Sure it may make sitting a little awkward, but it’s better than the alternative.

This is a letter from Your Nightly Nelson.

You can find this story and more about science, relationships, pets, religion etc
from the Book: Letters From Your Nightly Nelson (found on Amazon/Kindle)

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover

Letters From Your Nightly Nelson Book Cover